A Body in Outrage

In my mind,
I am well aware that I CHOSE to get my back ripped apart and put back together with a truckload of titanium (scoliosis surgery).

Somehow, the message didn't get to my body.


This is how I know:

My friend Dion, a gifted healer and recent house guest, offered to give me a light massage. I graciously accepted.

No sooner did she put her hands on my lower back,
my tears started flowing.
Like the fountains of Versailles.

Soon, I was bawling uncontrollably.
There were no conscious sad thoughts involved here.
None at all.
I simply couldn't stop this deep-pitted weeping.

After the massage, I blubbered my way through the nightly jobs of taking out my contact lenses, getting into pajamas, etc.

Then, in the dark of my bedroom, I heaved yet another round of great gusty sobs. My brain was only working on 5 watts,

like a child's night-light,

because I simply couldn't process what was happening to me.

As I awoke in the morning, my first thought was "How can my surgeon feel good about himself when he goes around tearing up and rearranging human skeletons?" On some level, I was really, really mad at Dr. Boachie. Or, should I say, my body was mad at him. All of his "work" felt like a big-time violation.

I know I volunteered to have this elective and highly invasive surgery. However, the feelings of outrage still exist independent of logic. Furthermore, I had no clue that such feelings were brewing until Dion put her hands on my back. (Thank you, friend!)

Dion, on my couch with Chica the dog.

The two hours of gut-wretching sobs cleared something in my body. Of that I am certain. Perhaps it prevented me from having a serious blitz of road rage, culminating in a smash-up. Who knows?


Now, I can NOT say that I cried myself dry. Somehow, this surgery loosened the valves behind my eye faucets. Tears continue to flow easily.

I am, however, hoping that we (Dion and I) broke my only personal Hoover Dam of Angry Waters and flushed out the Big Gunk.

Life is good.

Dr. Ohenaba Boachie-Adjei may have torn me apart, but he also rebuilt me into a bionic woman with a straighter spine.

I stand in gratitude.