It's Ginger here! I am gaining enough energy to write a blog and that's a great step in the right direction. Apparently, I missed quite a bit of the action over the last couple of weeks, due to my state of post-surgical confusion. I guess it's a common fall-out from major surgery. Being completely under anesthesia for nineteen hours didn't get me functioning well out of the starting gates. Then, in my drug-induced fog, I simply wanted OUT! (Or so they tell me.) I wanted to go, go, go. Dr. Boachie had to limit my walks around the perimeter of the ward to three times a day. (I was doing six, on my third day post-surgery.) I was the frantic goldfish is a tiny bowl.
You might think my energy was a good thing. Well, it wasn't. I seemed to forget that I had several accoutrements attached to my body and they had to go with me. I'd just hop out of bed whenever I felt like it and get as far as I could before they would stop me. I was nimble, but it simply wasn't safe, because I was out of my mind. Several nights, a private duty nurse had to be installed to keep my wings clipped and my IVs safely connected to my body.
Usually, my drug haze put me back to sleep within a few minutes of agitation or garble speech. My kids took some video footage of my verbal recaps of the bears, monkeys, and bugs that I'd be watching. But I'd say a few words and then snooze for 15 seconds and go back to speaking, although the topic had been changed. Apparently, I even found my cell phone and called my local doc, rambling on incomprehensively. More than once. One of my regular themes was to try and negotiate my way into more meds, because the pain was unbearable. Those White Coats would show up and I attempted to use every trick in the book to get them to agree to switching my drug list to something that would actually help the pain.
Truly, all this was VERY challenging for my children and sister. Since I don't remember any of my non-compliant behavior, they have (with promptings) filled in the gaps. I simply wasn't the mom and sister they knew. In fact, they had to protect me from myself constantly. Very exhausting. Now that they've shared a bit of the challenge with me, I feel so repentent and sorry for all the trouble I caused. Unintentionally, for certain.
On the eleven and last day of the hospital, I began to wake up. It took two more days for the fog to truly lift. Getting de-institutionalized really helps in these cases, according to my home doc and the pain management team at the Hospital for Special Surgeries. Today, Dr. Wagner, the head of the Pain Meds Dept. told me I wasn't bad at all and he deals with such cases every day.
Too bad my kids didn't have Dr. Wagner's perspective. For them, it was just HARD.
MORAL: Drugs are dangerous.
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5 comments:
It was so good to see you on the weekend, Ginger! You are doing so well. What great humility it takes to accept what people are telling you without having a firm recollection of things! Love you,
Duane
No, baby girl. The drugs aren't dangerous. They help keep you on the planet when the pain would be unbearable. And they help you heal. When patients tell me they don't want to take their pain medication because it makes them loopy, I help them figure out the dose that will maintain part of their minds while helping to heal. If you are in too much pain, you won't move because it hurts too bad. And you have to move to heal. I LOVE the visual of you "hopping" out of bed with tubes and cord attached that pull you up short! Oh, I had to laugh! I love you! Lynnie
ahhhhhh...the fog has lifted. we are all so relieved. hang in there, all of you...love s& d
Honeygirl, you're way too hard on yourself. They kept you from enduring unbearable pain. It's all part of the process and expected. Just wish I'd seen you striding out, IVs trailing. LOL! S'wunnerful to read your message on the blog -- genuine progress!
Much love,
Mujer
well, you would have certainly been much more out of your mind without the drugs so it was a necessary situation. That's OK- you don't have to apologize for a normal reaction to everything. What's important is that you are getting back to normal. And, we'll be able to blackmail you for the rest of your life!! (just kidding, we would never--well, only if you ever get uppity... LOL :>) We just hope you never have to experience anything like that ever again.
I DID like the soundtrack Duane put with your movie--"Feeling Groovy"-put a little different spin on things, didn't it? Sonny and I suggested that "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" may have fit too. We're laughing with you..
Everyone here at the clinic has been asking about you too-Amelia and Jan pass along their best wishes.
You'll be home soon-how's that for great??! Sonny has a whole bunch of old Alfred Hitchcock movies to download to your IPOD if you're interested in that type of thing.
Love you lots-haven't heard from Dr. Wagner yet.
hugs and kisses,
Sue & Sonny
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